I never thought that surviving the war brings so much silence. We’ve stumbled on stories of blood, tears, screams, bullets and bombs; but not of the whimpers, the abandoned majestic ballrooms that once hold banquets overflowing of food and wine, the wailing walls now forgotten, the thousand deaths of the spirit trapped inside a weary heart, burdened by the life one is carrying. This is how we live—thirsting not for peace, but for death. Death that would end the suffering not of the body; but of the soul—this is a soldier’s wish, an orphaned boy’s hope, a dishonored woman’s creed, a daughter’s promise.

            She was the beloved daughter of the respected Colonel of a highly esteemed infantry battalion who has endured heavy attacks from the enemies of the colony. Now, her father faces the battle of his times—the walled city has fallen; his troops has to defend the last remains of the glorious city his wife has once tread upon, and his daughter’s little paradise. Everything is not yet lost as his men trooped ready to fight until the last drop of their blood.  He cannot meet the eyes of his daughter. His heartbeat throbs louder every second. The Colonel knows this will be the last time he’ll see his joy—a complete replica of his beloved wife. Today is the day he dies, death saluted him the moment he saw the first rays of the sun that morning; he accepts it with a soldier’s pride but leaves his heart to his innocent young one. In time, she’ll understand. The love of country is the love of one’s own as well. In time, she will.

            She knows deep inside her that the day has come. The moment she heard the cheerless songs of the birds, her fate has been foretold. She never knew her father well—the greatest Colonel of his kind—well enough. Nevertheless, she revered him as a daughter would. She had read the diary of her mother. She was raped, her mother. Still, her father married her, out of pure love. She never knew her real father. He was killed you see, out of anger, by this Colonel his mother loved with all her being. Has she forgiven both men? She can never say. Yet, this day is different. Somehow, anytime soon, forgiveness has to be given; freedom is at arms’ reach. No regrets, that’s what his Colonel father always says, no regrets.

            She was the daughter of the fairest maiden of the colony. Everyone knows she’ll be married soon to the promising young officer who awed her with his intellect and perseverance. She agreed to be tied to a foreigner that has understood her wanderings—she holds a secret that only she could keep. She never lived in a single world. She keeps a multiple of them. This she has told to the soldier. She wants to come clean to the man she has learned to love. The moment she decided to tell him her secret, she’s afraid she’ll lose him forever. But the soldier only laughed and asked her to be a part of her worlds. No doubt, she accepted the soldier’s proposal. She’ll be married to this soldier who pledged not just love, but acceptance and trust as well. This she first told her only friend.  She waited. But someone else came—same face, different intent. That afternoon she forgot the man she first loved.  That afternoon her chastity was snatched away by no one else but her friend, her first love. She fought with all her might. She lost all her senses. When the soldier came, it was too late. She never cried in front of him, still, she can’t help but shed tears not just for herself, but also to the person lying lifeless among the grasses. She was carried by her soldier as their tears poured like rain. Soon, a life shall pay for the death—of a virtue, of a body, of a trust, of a friend the young maiden once loved.

            She was the daughter of her mother’s friend, her childhood sweetheart, her mother’s young love. She was the fruit of regret, of resentment, of a loss. She needs to repay something that will never be replaced. Her mother died the moment life has entered into her lungs. Everyone has to pay. This is the only thing she knows of her true father.

            She keeps a diary. She writes all her thoughts. She never married. She just loved. She lived through the bitter memories by way of atoning to the sins of her kin, of her people, of her loved ones. Now she awaits death.